His Love Endures Forever

It’s been a long time. A long time of not writing; of silence. The last time I shared, I was sitting. There was pain and winter and sitting. The pain continued, and the sitting sat, and the surgery happened, and then there was more pain. I don’t share it with many, but for the curious, I’m a woman who’s one ovary down for the count. Who needs two anyway. If you’re really keeping track, in the last 5 years I’ve sliced and diced one ovary, one appendix, done a little tuck and roll to a uterus, hit one ovarian cyst out of the park, sent my gall bladder packing, and thrown my tonsils to the pits of hell. The tonsils were the worst. Oh Lord, if I have cried out to you in this most recent hardship, I can only thank you that tonsils can’t grow back.

Something is not right with my body and I’m working on finding the source of it, because I believe bodies are weird but they were also created to function correctly and mine can still do that.

All of this is just to say, I haven’t been great but I’m getting there. Isn’t that where lots of people are right now?

two old ladies walking

I was crossing a parking lot a few weeks ago, dressed just fine with my hair and makeup done, but I was walking SO SLOW about 10 days after surgery. Two women, I’m guessing octogenarians, were walking in the same direction and we were all progressing at the same speed. It made me laugh in a remember this when you’re well kind of way. How many times have I been in my car, waiting at a crosswalk for some totally average-health-looking person to walk, impatiently wondering why he or she doesn’t pick up the pace a little? I need to remember not to rush myself or others.

On Easter Sunday, my husband made us all breakfast and I woke up just in time to eat, skip a shower, put on makeup, and get dressed. I wore a nice outfit and everyone at church said I looked great. Was it worth saying that I didn’t feel great? My church is all for being real and vulnerable, but there are only so many times I can or want to talk about not feeling well, or want to bring up the fact that I was in the ER twelve hours previously. I was exhausted. For the most part, I smiled and said I was doing better.

Fehrman Family Easter 2015

We took this family photo after church, and it’s a great picture. Does it matter that I felt awful at the time? No. It matters that we were together as a family, and my boys hunted their Easter eggs that my husband and I filled at 11:30pm the night before, just after returning from the hospital. I was grateful to even be there to participate with my family.

Last year, the word aletheia became very important to me. It was a healing word, and it is Greek for truth, nothing hidden.

Friends, this is my truth, nothing hidden. Things aren’t great, but they’re not terrible, and I’m getting better. The simplest thing is that Jesus loves me. For the places where I’m choosing isolation, I don’t want to do that and I’m trying to pull out of it. Part of this season is also smalling down just to preserve what’s most important, and there’s learning in that.

I couldn’t do this without knowing where my Truth is, and there are so, so many other people out there who are hurting for all sorts of reasons and holding onto the same Truth or searching desperately for one.

If you don’t have a Truth, consider this one from Psalm 136:1-16, 23-26. It’s true: His love endures forever.

psalm136_art

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords.
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to him who alone does mighty miracles.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who made the heavens so skillfully.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who placed the earth among the waters.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who made the heavenly lights—
His faithful love endures forever.
the sun to rule the day,
His faithful love endures forever.
and the moon and stars to rule the night.
His faithful love endures forever.

10 Give thanks to him who killed the firstborn of Egypt.
His faithful love endures forever.
11 He brought Israel out of Egypt.
His faithful love endures forever.
12 He acted with a strong hand and powerful arm.
His faithful love endures forever.
13 Give thanks to him who parted the Red Sea.[a]
His faithful love endures forever.
14 He led Israel safely through,
His faithful love endures forever.
15 but he hurled Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea.
His faithful love endures forever.
16 Give thanks to him who led his people through the wilderness.
His faithful love endures forever.

23 He remembered us in our weakness.
His faithful love endures forever.
24 He saved us from our enemies.
His faithful love endures forever.
25 He gives food to every living thing.
His faithful love endures forever.
26 Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His faithful love endures forever.

Amen.

Psalm 136 image: Hilldale’s Worship Ministry